2012 -- What A Year for The TripletMomExtraordinaire!

Started the year with no job, ended up with a great job!  I want to thank the many friends and foes that helped and pushed me to not give up and know that God would provide for me.  Thanks to Dale for putting my resume out there and being a reporter/friend and putting his words into actions! A special shout out to my former supervisor at APD, Carlos, he didn’t hesitate to help when I needed it.  Thanks to Chief Turner and Chief Shields, they were in my corner the whole time.  Kim and Curtis, I love you both, you made it bearable and the transition to APD easy. Also, thanks to Sonji for seeing my potential and making it known to the City of Atlanta. My new family at DWM, I soooo love y'all.  Although, some of you claim I have my favorites, Kurlis, Glennis and Jessica (LOL--inside humor), you all are so talented and I am proud to be a part of YOUR team.

Found trouble because a referee acted an idiot with my son, even though I never said anything to the referee.  That was not a good look, but you live and learn that the bitterness and general unhappiness of an individual has the potential to change your life forever as you know it. 

Got divorced—again.  We will not have any more discussions on this subject.  Just know that I refuse to love another person that does not know or love themselves.  Nor will I try and save another soul, that ain’t my job. Remember it is SELF esteem.

Tried to date, don’t like it too much at this age…Men have more drama and are “in their feelings” far more than women.  If I can forgive and move on, so should you.  Do what I did, speak to a therapist to help you get through it and find the authentic you.   Don’t let another person dictate your happiness, love, life or space!!! Oh, and please grown men don’t send me anymore peen pictures…Thanks!!  I promise I won’t date you, I will just think you’re crazy as cat poop.

Witnessed my children graduate from high school and start new chapters in their lives. They have matured so much in the few months that they have been away.  Douglas, David and Danielle are my greatest joy and accomplishment. 

Passed my COMPS and headed towards Dr. Rawles.   This process has been an uphill battle as I tried to balance my time between school, work and the Triple Threat, but the confidence it has provided  me is unmeasurable.   

I ran in five 5K races…my time sucked in a couple, but I got my chunky ass out there and did it.  I committed to losing weight, because I need to be healthy for me and the Triple Threat. Plus, I am way too pretty to be this chunky…although, as Derrick says, “Ain’t nothing wrong with being a little thick in the waist, pretty in the face.” That always makes me giggle.

I have made new friends-Kurlis and reconnected with old friends-Jill.  Deborah has laughed and cried with me through this year and been constantly there for me.  My bestie Melissa has pushed me, pulled me and made me be better when I didn’t believe I could be better.  She made me see what I could not see in myself.  She was an effin truth-teller through it all…the good, the bad, the ugly.

I found forgiveness through some pain.  I found love through tremendous heartbreak.  I found happiness in ME.  God has shown me that through faith, love and grace that I can do all things.  I am looking forward to what He has planned for me in the New Year.

I wish you all the best and have a safe and blessed New Year.

The Hair Struggle Is Real

Whoo-Wee!!!  If someone had told me that going from a relaxer to natural hair would have been like this, I would have just said, “Yeah, never mind.”  This transition is definitely for the strong, not the weak.

From 1998 through 2001, my hair was short and natural and I loved it, but I also loved the creamy crack.  Since that time, I have tried this transition on two or three separate occasions, but each time the creamy crack has called me back.  This time I plan to hang in there and do what I must to be natural.  Now, I am the first to admit that my sister, Wendy, was the first to inspire me to make this transition.  If I mention this is too difficult, she tells me that she does not want to hear it and she keeps it moving.  My sister, Heather, is natural too, she does not say anything to me about it, but I can tell when she looks at my relaxed head she is thinking, “Ree, let that go.”  My cousin, Lisa, is all-natural, has been for a long time and she loves it.  My girlfriend, Deborah, is natural with an occasional kinky twists or braids, but her hair is natural.  The bestie, Melissa, has locs and they are downright beautiful.  Pamela is all-natural, but is struggling with the frizz factor.  Tunisia, Marsha, LaKisha, Kimmie, Edna and several of my other friends are natural.  Their hair is beautiful--whether flat-iron straight, natural curls, or loc'd,  and they absolutely love it.  Of course, my mini me, Danielle, is natural because her Mommy (that would be me) said, “You will not have that creamy crack in your hair because your hair is beautiful.”

However, Houston, we have a problem.  I am fighting with my hair about the correct hair products to use.  As I am in transition, I have natural and relaxed hair on my head.  I also have what one would call “Curly Hair 3-C” (Yep, there is a chart to rank your hair).  What this means is I have an S shape or sometimes a Z shape curl.  My hair type is full bodied, climate dependent (humidity = frizz, yes, Lawd), and damage prone.  I have so many different hair products and a mixture of those for African American and Caucasian hair, because of the texture of my hair.  Therefore, Ms. Jessie’s, Carol’s Daughter, Beautiful Textures, Mango and Lime, Garnier Fructis, Paul Mitchell, Paul Sebastian, just to name a few, have found their way in my bathroom. Trust me this is overwhelming. 

Additionally, I am wrestling with “is my hairstyle professional” as I make this transition.  I have found a new stylist, Brian, who is awesome, but I cannot get in the shop every week (my money is not that long and the Triple Threat are in college). I thought about micro-braids, but decided that I will do two strand flat twist then wear my hair out when I shampoo. I have received several compliments on this style, but if it is humid or rainy, my hair will frizz up and I look like a curly cotton ball (remember half natural, half relaxed on the head).  To make matters more complicated, I have to twist it EVERY night!!!  Umm, what is the purpose of having natural hair if you have to “fix it” EVERY night?  Therefore, many days the hair is in a ponytail, which is sooooo ridiculous.  Nope, I will not be doing the “Big Chop” no matter what people say…And, Pamela said I don’t have to if I don’t want to!!  Thanks, Pam the Glam.

Although, I am having my struggles, I can say that going natural is so liberating.  It is setting me free and allowing me to be me.  I have no regrets as I make this journey.  I am going natural and loving it.  My hair is natural and beautiful, this is who I am, this is whom God created, and I am going to flaunt it.  

No HNFT For You Or The Hubby.

Let me start this blog with this statement -- Yes, I have been married twice and divorced twice, so obviously there is some stuff I don’t know, but because of my experiences there is some stuff I do know!! Remember that and listen up!!!

Recently, I was having a conversation with a female friend that is married; I won’t call her a girlfriend right now because I am kind of salty with her about our conversation.  I can’t believe a girlfriend of mine would be this crazy.  During our conversation about work, kids and her husband, she said, “Well, I am not giving him any because I am mad at him about something.”  I was like, “What the eff did you say?” (Now, those of you that know me, know that I do have an extensive vocabulary, but I also like to curse, well, cuss—it excites me, so you also know that ‘eff’ was not what I said).  She, let’s just call her Jackie, had the nerve to repeat it. At this point, I lost it!! Hey, Jackie was calling for my advice and opinion, so I gave it ALL to her.

I asked Jackie, “Did Omar pay the mortgage this month?” Jackie said, “Yes, but, girl, he is tripping?” I stopped her and continued my line of questioning. “Did Omar pay your car note, your car insurance, his car note, his car insurance, the car insurance for that bad azz son of yours and that bad azz son of yours car insurance as well?”  Jackie of course said, “Yes, but…” I stopped her at the ‘but’ and continued my line of questioning. “Did Omar make sure he paid the electric bill, the gas bill, shoot, and all the bills in the house?”  I wanted to say that dude pays for everything, your money is your money, and you spend it on what you wish. Y’all ain’t splitting not one dang bill at that house, and you are quick to say what the heck you ain’t paying for because that is Omar’s job.  You are flying all over the world; your passport is stamped up.  That dude asks you about your day every day, he fixes you dinner, takes you out anywhere you want to go, does anything you ask and don’t ask….THAT DUDE LOVES the ground your stank azz walks on and you aren’t having HNFT, Happy Naked Fun Time, because you are mad because he forgot to pick up the laundry, which by the way, is something you normally do?

Now, before you rush to judge me and say I don’t know all that happens in their household, you are absolutely correct!!!  However, Jackie and I have been friends for years and SHE tells me how much Omar does for her, loves her, never raises his voice or argues with her, how respectful he is to her and her ratchet  family, how sweet he is to her, how he listens intently to whatever she says, how she knows he has her back, how he is submissive to the Lord, career focused, family oriented, a devoted and loving husband and dad, financially responsible, marriage minded and all that other good stuff…and she is going to hold out on the HNFT.

I decided to give Jackie the quick lesson of the single, twice divorced, wishing a man with those qualities would/had walked into my life, paying ALL the bills Mommy, but I figured that would take too long, so I simply gave her my quick and dirty advice… “You better give that man some Happy Naked Fun Time because that man is goooood to you, with your unappreciative, ungrateful, stank ass.  Oh, and you pick that damn laundry up!!!!”

Free To Do Me!!! The Empty Nest.

It has been a week since I returned home to an empty house (well, except for Brownie and Bailey—the cat and the dog) and I have only cried once, that was yesterday and I had to call my bestie, Melissa, over to just sit with me.  To be honest that is pretty good for me because, Baybeee, I am a crier when it concerns my children. 

The triple threat is my nickname for them.  Dougie hates that name, he also hates that I still call him Dougie, but whatever.  I don’t think the other two mind the name triple threat.  Douglas, David and Danielle (in that order—LOL) are in their first year of college. Dougie and Daniee are at Middle Tennessee State University and David is at St. John's University. Their Mommy (YES, I am still Mommy) is in her first year of “oneness” since she was 25.  Don’t be concerned with my age, just know that it has been a long time since I have lived alone.

Not only am I living alone, but also I am single.  Yeah, that’s another blog for another day…I “gots” plenty to say about my dating pool.  You know, I thought I would be elated to be an empty nester.  I can  come home and do what I want to do.  I can cook or not cook.  Walk around in my bra and panties, well, I kind of did that anyway, we were a “liddo” free around here since it was only us since they were 3 years old (except for that other short lived marriage).  I can play my music in the house and sing like I want to sing.  I can watch what I want to watch on the TV in the family room. I can wash my clothes in the washing machine when I want to.  I can stop to grab a quick bite to eat and spend $4.89 on a kid's chicken nugget meal, rather than $32.97 on two double baconators, upsized (Daniee eats like a bird, so that would be for Douglas and David).  I can go to Longhorn, which by the way I love, and spend $25.57 for dinner not $212.87 (not including the tip and we tip appropriately) because we have to have two or three appetizers and the two largest steaks on the menu!! Again, that would be the guys. I get to clean up only my mess and not the messes of others.  I only have to fill my tank up and not their tank up.  I can take a shower or a poop and not have someone come in the bathroom and ask a freaking question.  I can come home any hour of the night I please, well, except for having to walk Bailey.  I can have a friend of the opposite sex over, yeah, that has not happen yet, but if I want to, at least I can. I just CAN!

I don’t have to go to another sporting event immediately after work or at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday.  I don’t have to pay fees for soccer, baseball, football, basketball, track or gymnastics (yes, they have participated in it all).  I don't have to drive or fly to Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina, Vegas or anywhere else there is an AAU tournament. I don't have to work the concession stand. I don't have to be nice to someone's crazy Momma that thinks her son or daughter should be starting rather than my son or daughter and tells me so.  I don’t have to hear about or pay for the latest basketball shoes necessary for life to continue.  I don’t have to attend another honors program, band recital, end of the year banquet or any event at their high school, which is 40 miles from our home.  I don’t have to stay up to make sure everyone makes curfew.  I don’t have to hear anyone scream, “Get out of my room!”  I don’t have to be a personal ATM, well, that’s not true, but it feels different because they aren’t asking EVERYDAY.  I just DON’T!

I am free to be me!  Free to do me, whatever that is!  I’m just FREE!!

AND THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT BULLCRAP AND FOR THE BIRDS!!! I AM TOTALLY ABOUT THAT LIFE!!! I MISS MY CHILDREN!!!

Just My Views on Mr. and Mrs. Lozada-Ochocinco-Johnson

So, I wasn’t going to fall into the trap and discuss the Lozada-Ochocinco-Johnson mess, but I was on the phone with one of my girlfriends and…well, she trapped me.

First, let me say, I in NO WAY CONDONE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (some of you all read that again before you read the rest of this blog and read the rest of the blog before you start with me), I am sorry that this happen, but I’on really feel sorry for Evelyn.  Hell, she has been committing violent acts on folks for 2 or 3 seasons on Basketball Heauxs Wives.  Mrs. Lozada-Ochocinco-Johnson comes across on the show argumentative, nasty, stank, vindictive and violent.

She will not be the face of domestic violence for me, because violence is violence.  Point. Blank. Period. She is throwing bottles, plates, drinks, glasses, kicking off shoes and running across tables trying to fight someone that disagrees with her or someone that speaks ill of her.  Her behavior on Basketball Heauxs Wives is deplorable and downright degrading to all women, but especially women of color. 

Now, don’t misunderstand, I believe that often times when a woman accuses a man of abuse, people begin to ask what she may have done to get such a reaction…that is ludicrous!  No one deserves to get beat, hit, slapped, kicked, punched or head-butted no matter what they do or say.  I will give Mrs. Lazoda-Ochocinco-Johnson her props for leaving immediately, because there are countless women who stay in relationships with abusive partners/spouses/significant others for financial stability, fame, because they are scared or because it is what they saw growing up.  While many may believe her relationship with Chad Ochocinco Johnson was a fraud, a joke, laughable, she left at the first physical altercation which should be applauded.

However, I will say as the authorities sort this entire mess out, if it turns out that she physically instigated the argument, then she should be held accountable as well.  There are consequences and repercussions for all actions.

I have told my sons that no matter what, you are never to put your hands on a woman--no matter what she may say or do, know your WORTH! I have told my daughter, you are never to put your hands on a man because not every man will be raised like your brothers, and he may put his hands on you, so know your WORTH.   If a partner, spouse, or significant other ever abuses you in ANY WAY….LEAVE!

The question for the Lazoda-Ochocinco-Johnson family is, “Do they really know their WORTH?”

Long Overdue Forgiveness At The Grocery Store

This is my first attempt to blog!!!  Whoo Hoo!! I am actually going to pull something that I placed on Facebook because I believe it will give you a look into the person I am.  Now, know that all my blogs will not be quite like this one. I am at times quirky, funny and loud, but I am always ME!!!

Today, I was doing the Saturday morning ritual of grocery shopping, which by the way, I abhor!  As I was walking down aisle 4, a woman who may not have been much older than me approached me and asked if I would like to trade $5 for $10 in food stamps.  Now, I have heard of this, but never been approached.  I thought about what she asked and simply said to her, "Can you wait until I come to the checkout line." As I was checking out, she came up behind me and said, "Here is my card, I will type in my code."  I told her to just wait for me at the end of  the checkout counter.  I proceeded to purchase my groceries and requested money back from my purchase.  I turned to her and her handed her the money I requested and said, "Ma'am, have a good day."  She stood there with her mouth opened and thanked me.

I don't tell this story for any kind of accolades, but I tell it because, but for the GRACE of God that could have been me.  I don't know her situation or story, but I do know mine.  Last year I lost my job...I won't go into details, let's just say "someone didn't like me, not my job performance, but me." I was devastated, lost and confused because I had been a "state" employee for 22 years. I  worked in various agencies throughout the state as the Public Affairs/Communications Director.  I worked my way up and was doing quite well, so you can imagine my fear and pain.  Not only that, I am a single mother of triplets and they were in their senior year of high school.  I was afraid I would not be able to provide for them.  But you know what I did?  I turned to God and gave it to him.  I prayed and believed He would not leave me.  To make a long story short.  God placed family, old friends and new friends in my life to help me, to support me, to lend me a hand, to lend me money (LOL) and this year I started a new job.  Through connections with 3, yes, 3 friends, I was able to start that new job.  The pay may not be what it was previously, but I am blessed and because of my blessings, I will bless those around me as much as I can with my time, my love, my friendship, my loyalty, my jokes, and on some occasions with my "liddo" bit of money.

As I was walking to the car, I asked the woman and her husband if I could pray with them, now my friends and family that know me -- know I love the Lord, but I will not pray out loud, unless I am saying grace for breakfast, lunch or dinner.  Well, I prayed for them and with them and not only did it release the hurt and pain from my job loss, but it helped me release the bitterness that I held in my heart for "those two chicks" (no names, please!). IT FREED ME!! So, as much as I was able to help the lady in the grocery store, she and her family helped me beyond my wildest imagination.  I give all the glory to God and I thank Him for that brief encounter.