The Hair Struggle Is Real

Whoo-Wee!!!  If someone had told me that going from a relaxer to natural hair would have been like this, I would have just said, “Yeah, never mind.”  This transition is definitely for the strong, not the weak.

From 1998 through 2001, my hair was short and natural and I loved it, but I also loved the creamy crack.  Since that time, I have tried this transition on two or three separate occasions, but each time the creamy crack has called me back.  This time I plan to hang in there and do what I must to be natural.  Now, I am the first to admit that my sister, Wendy, was the first to inspire me to make this transition.  If I mention this is too difficult, she tells me that she does not want to hear it and she keeps it moving.  My sister, Heather, is natural too, she does not say anything to me about it, but I can tell when she looks at my relaxed head she is thinking, “Ree, let that go.”  My cousin, Lisa, is all-natural, has been for a long time and she loves it.  My girlfriend, Deborah, is natural with an occasional kinky twists or braids, but her hair is natural.  The bestie, Melissa, has locs and they are downright beautiful.  Pamela is all-natural, but is struggling with the frizz factor.  Tunisia, Marsha, LaKisha, Kimmie, Edna and several of my other friends are natural.  Their hair is beautiful--whether flat-iron straight, natural curls, or loc'd,  and they absolutely love it.  Of course, my mini me, Danielle, is natural because her Mommy (that would be me) said, “You will not have that creamy crack in your hair because your hair is beautiful.”

However, Houston, we have a problem.  I am fighting with my hair about the correct hair products to use.  As I am in transition, I have natural and relaxed hair on my head.  I also have what one would call “Curly Hair 3-C” (Yep, there is a chart to rank your hair).  What this means is I have an S shape or sometimes a Z shape curl.  My hair type is full bodied, climate dependent (humidity = frizz, yes, Lawd), and damage prone.  I have so many different hair products and a mixture of those for African American and Caucasian hair, because of the texture of my hair.  Therefore, Ms. Jessie’s, Carol’s Daughter, Beautiful Textures, Mango and Lime, Garnier Fructis, Paul Mitchell, Paul Sebastian, just to name a few, have found their way in my bathroom. Trust me this is overwhelming. 

Additionally, I am wrestling with “is my hairstyle professional” as I make this transition.  I have found a new stylist, Brian, who is awesome, but I cannot get in the shop every week (my money is not that long and the Triple Threat are in college). I thought about micro-braids, but decided that I will do two strand flat twist then wear my hair out when I shampoo. I have received several compliments on this style, but if it is humid or rainy, my hair will frizz up and I look like a curly cotton ball (remember half natural, half relaxed on the head).  To make matters more complicated, I have to twist it EVERY night!!!  Umm, what is the purpose of having natural hair if you have to “fix it” EVERY night?  Therefore, many days the hair is in a ponytail, which is sooooo ridiculous.  Nope, I will not be doing the “Big Chop” no matter what people say…And, Pamela said I don’t have to if I don’t want to!!  Thanks, Pam the Glam.

Although, I am having my struggles, I can say that going natural is so liberating.  It is setting me free and allowing me to be me.  I have no regrets as I make this journey.  I am going natural and loving it.  My hair is natural and beautiful, this is who I am, this is whom God created, and I am going to flaunt it.  

No HNFT For You Or The Hubby.

Let me start this blog with this statement -- Yes, I have been married twice and divorced twice, so obviously there is some stuff I don’t know, but because of my experiences there is some stuff I do know!! Remember that and listen up!!!

Recently, I was having a conversation with a female friend that is married; I won’t call her a girlfriend right now because I am kind of salty with her about our conversation.  I can’t believe a girlfriend of mine would be this crazy.  During our conversation about work, kids and her husband, she said, “Well, I am not giving him any because I am mad at him about something.”  I was like, “What the eff did you say?” (Now, those of you that know me, know that I do have an extensive vocabulary, but I also like to curse, well, cuss—it excites me, so you also know that ‘eff’ was not what I said).  She, let’s just call her Jackie, had the nerve to repeat it. At this point, I lost it!! Hey, Jackie was calling for my advice and opinion, so I gave it ALL to her.

I asked Jackie, “Did Omar pay the mortgage this month?” Jackie said, “Yes, but, girl, he is tripping?” I stopped her and continued my line of questioning. “Did Omar pay your car note, your car insurance, his car note, his car insurance, the car insurance for that bad azz son of yours and that bad azz son of yours car insurance as well?”  Jackie of course said, “Yes, but…” I stopped her at the ‘but’ and continued my line of questioning. “Did Omar make sure he paid the electric bill, the gas bill, shoot, and all the bills in the house?”  I wanted to say that dude pays for everything, your money is your money, and you spend it on what you wish. Y’all ain’t splitting not one dang bill at that house, and you are quick to say what the heck you ain’t paying for because that is Omar’s job.  You are flying all over the world; your passport is stamped up.  That dude asks you about your day every day, he fixes you dinner, takes you out anywhere you want to go, does anything you ask and don’t ask….THAT DUDE LOVES the ground your stank azz walks on and you aren’t having HNFT, Happy Naked Fun Time, because you are mad because he forgot to pick up the laundry, which by the way, is something you normally do?

Now, before you rush to judge me and say I don’t know all that happens in their household, you are absolutely correct!!!  However, Jackie and I have been friends for years and SHE tells me how much Omar does for her, loves her, never raises his voice or argues with her, how respectful he is to her and her ratchet  family, how sweet he is to her, how he listens intently to whatever she says, how she knows he has her back, how he is submissive to the Lord, career focused, family oriented, a devoted and loving husband and dad, financially responsible, marriage minded and all that other good stuff…and she is going to hold out on the HNFT.

I decided to give Jackie the quick lesson of the single, twice divorced, wishing a man with those qualities would/had walked into my life, paying ALL the bills Mommy, but I figured that would take too long, so I simply gave her my quick and dirty advice… “You better give that man some Happy Naked Fun Time because that man is goooood to you, with your unappreciative, ungrateful, stank ass.  Oh, and you pick that damn laundry up!!!!”

Free To Do Me!!! The Empty Nest.

It has been a week since I returned home to an empty house (well, except for Brownie and Bailey—the cat and the dog) and I have only cried once, that was yesterday and I had to call my bestie, Melissa, over to just sit with me.  To be honest that is pretty good for me because, Baybeee, I am a crier when it concerns my children. 

The triple threat is my nickname for them.  Dougie hates that name, he also hates that I still call him Dougie, but whatever.  I don’t think the other two mind the name triple threat.  Douglas, David and Danielle (in that order—LOL) are in their first year of college. Dougie and Daniee are at Middle Tennessee State University and David is at St. John's University. Their Mommy (YES, I am still Mommy) is in her first year of “oneness” since she was 25.  Don’t be concerned with my age, just know that it has been a long time since I have lived alone.

Not only am I living alone, but also I am single.  Yeah, that’s another blog for another day…I “gots” plenty to say about my dating pool.  You know, I thought I would be elated to be an empty nester.  I can  come home and do what I want to do.  I can cook or not cook.  Walk around in my bra and panties, well, I kind of did that anyway, we were a “liddo” free around here since it was only us since they were 3 years old (except for that other short lived marriage).  I can play my music in the house and sing like I want to sing.  I can watch what I want to watch on the TV in the family room. I can wash my clothes in the washing machine when I want to.  I can stop to grab a quick bite to eat and spend $4.89 on a kid's chicken nugget meal, rather than $32.97 on two double baconators, upsized (Daniee eats like a bird, so that would be for Douglas and David).  I can go to Longhorn, which by the way I love, and spend $25.57 for dinner not $212.87 (not including the tip and we tip appropriately) because we have to have two or three appetizers and the two largest steaks on the menu!! Again, that would be the guys. I get to clean up only my mess and not the messes of others.  I only have to fill my tank up and not their tank up.  I can take a shower or a poop and not have someone come in the bathroom and ask a freaking question.  I can come home any hour of the night I please, well, except for having to walk Bailey.  I can have a friend of the opposite sex over, yeah, that has not happen yet, but if I want to, at least I can. I just CAN!

I don’t have to go to another sporting event immediately after work or at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday.  I don’t have to pay fees for soccer, baseball, football, basketball, track or gymnastics (yes, they have participated in it all).  I don't have to drive or fly to Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina, Vegas or anywhere else there is an AAU tournament. I don't have to work the concession stand. I don't have to be nice to someone's crazy Momma that thinks her son or daughter should be starting rather than my son or daughter and tells me so.  I don’t have to hear about or pay for the latest basketball shoes necessary for life to continue.  I don’t have to attend another honors program, band recital, end of the year banquet or any event at their high school, which is 40 miles from our home.  I don’t have to stay up to make sure everyone makes curfew.  I don’t have to hear anyone scream, “Get out of my room!”  I don’t have to be a personal ATM, well, that’s not true, but it feels different because they aren’t asking EVERYDAY.  I just DON’T!

I am free to be me!  Free to do me, whatever that is!  I’m just FREE!!

AND THIS IS SOME STRAIGHT BULLCRAP AND FOR THE BIRDS!!! I AM TOTALLY ABOUT THAT LIFE!!! I MISS MY CHILDREN!!!